i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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