somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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