you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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