Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
