Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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