her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
