she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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