Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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