yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
