Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
