Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i now understand why vodka
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
