If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
