I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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