I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
