bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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