Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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