careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
