I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
