Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
