can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
