I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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