wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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