He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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