Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
