I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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