i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
