If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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