Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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