I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
