I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Do you still have your period?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
