So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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