Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
