This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
