dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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