I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
