WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
