why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
