yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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