Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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