My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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