Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
