I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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