drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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