Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
