Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
