Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
