We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
