what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
