I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
