His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
