That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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