He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize