If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
