Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
