you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
