I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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