I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
