addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
