when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
