I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
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I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
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He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
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