I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
