I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
