when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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