ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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