Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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