Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
